Make Your Writing
Sizzzzle With Personality

From “Meh and Marketey” to “I Can’t Get Enough of Your Content!” this course will turn you into an internet writing god

Make it rain with your writing. Have more fun than everyone else. And sell way more this year with words. Read on! 💪 -Ash Ambirge, Founder, Meat & Hair

 
 
 

If this is you, wave your pen in the air like you just don’t care 🖊 🎶 🤌

We’ll ignore the fact that that pen looks like a squid imitating a microphone— let’s see if this sounds like you!

  1. You write content on the internet 💻 like newsletters, Substacks, emails, website copy, sales pages, lead pages, blog posts, course content, lead magnets, books, Threads, and sometimes funny messages to your posse on Slack—AND ALSO…

  2. You’re fun in real life (you swear!) but you can never seem to get it on the page. Everything you write ends up sounding a liiiiiitle bit like a goblin ate a term paper. You read your stuff back to yourself and hate it—it sounds so cliché, tired, samey-samey, boring. (And, let’s be honest: AI is no help here.)

  3. Worse, you end up sounding way more salesy & “bro marketey” than you intend: everything feels forced, you worry you sound pushy, it’s all a bit generic, trite, and car-salesman-sounding, and the whole entire process is exhausting…you’re starting to dread “content creation.”😵‍💫

  4. And honestly? Most of the time you feel like you’re spitting into the wind. 👻 You’re working so damn hard to “create content” but nobody seems to care / notice / open your Magna Carta masterpieces. Is it your subject lines? Your writing voice? That one time you said the F-word? (And then heard from 50 people who were offended…)

  5. Big, sparkly bonus points if you’re also: (a) a non-native speaker of English; (b) A scientist or academic surrounded by other scientists and academics; (c) A corporate professional for whom internet writing is now foreign because you’ve been ruinnnneeeed!; (d) Stacey’s mom. We’ve been waiting to meet you since 2003.

 

Or how about these fun-filled symptoms? You ever experience these filthy thoughts while writing / procrastinating /contemplating binge nachos?

  • Ugh, that sounds stupid. What am I, a prepubescent dork molecule?

  • Who is this formal, stiff, characterless corporate robot???

  • GENERIC CITYYYYYY.

  • Everybody else is more clever / creative / cool / funny than me.

  • Why do I even bother?

  • Is anybody even reading this? Hello?

  • I SOUND LIKE MR. ROGERS ATE A SOCCER MOM.

  • I can’t seem to communicate what I really think and feel.

  • I always sound awkward.

  • Yeah, nice caption, dipwit. “Comment below if you agree!” Real original, Jan! 🙄

  • No one’s clicking. No one’s buying. No one even cares I’m alive.

  • Am I wasting my time? Should I be cashing people out at Aldi’s Discount Warehouse? Would that be a better use of my time?

  • Another launch with zero fanfare. Cool, cool, cool.

  • I don’t even know what “my voice” is. (That fabled, elusive parable of the gods.)

  • What’s too much? What’s not enough? How do I ride the line between professional & personality?

  • “Just following up!” I wrote (yet) again, unsure what else to say.

  • Standing out is a cruel myth. We are all selling the same thing! How much different can I be?!

  • Writing isn’t even fun anymore—it’s just a giant, fleshy, smelly armpit of a chore…except I gotta do it, because this is what my entire career / life / marriage / FUTURE HOBBY AS OPRAH IS RIDING ON.

Writing content people LOVE doesn’t have to feel like a thousand needles in the eye. (Even if you’re an accountant from Nebraska.)

 

Just kidding, I love accountants from Nebraska. ***takes bite out of Omaha steak**

The good news is: writing online doesn’t have to be such a slog. It can be fun again!

And you don’t need to be “a creative person” by nature, or even someone named “Caspian.”

You don’t need to smoke peace pipes while overlooking the horizon on a moss-covered bluff and hoisting your pages up into the sunlight.

And you certainly don’t need to spend endless hours procrastinating and torturing yourself into believing that you left your spark on pool table that one summer in Georgia.

Rather, it’s about learning how to write with pleasure, so the people reading can experience pleasure.

Pleasure is the key to selling.

Most people think it’s about “getting found.” But, consider for a moment this pickle of a truth:

The internet’s a big place.

People ARE finding you.

The real problem?

~ They don't care. ~

(Yet!)

Fun fact: 67% of the people that were about to give you money, don't.

Whether you're selling web design, coaching, photography, a workshop, a dynamite Etsy creation, a book, a physical product, a 499 page PDF, or your grandmother's pearls (tsk!), online cart abandonment rates tell us you're actually losing a lot of money.

67% is nearly 7 out of 10 people.

So let's say you charge $1,000 for a service you offer.

That means that for every $3,000 you do make, you let another $7,000 skate right out the door.

Seven thousand dollars is a lot of money to be letting slip right through your fingers. You could have HAD that money. You did the work. They did find you. They did see you. Hell, their finger might have been ON THE BUY / CONTACT / YES! BUTTON, but then they made the fatal decision to say "no."

This proves one thing:

You don't need to market yourself.

You need to magnetize yourself.

And that's what Meat & Hair’s Creative Writing School for the Internet is all about.

 

“Your creative writing class has made my writing 10x’s more interesting and brave.” —Meaty, Hairy Writer and Creative Student, Deonna Lindsay-Lewis

 

NOW INTRODUCING

 

The World’s Most Fun—And Practical–Course for Writing Online Content That’ll Make ‘Em Laugh, Listen & LOVE YOU.

“Unlike any course I've ever taken. No need to watch videos on 2x speed, because there's no 15+ minutes of rambling things that were just said. There's no commercial interruption of the software, platform or friggin upsale that I need to succeed. No feeling "When are we going to get there" from the back seat of the faded yellow station wagon with peeling fake wood strips. Instead, it's almost subliminal. The curation of writing samples introduces me to the world outside my borders. I'm clicking, surfing and learning. But most of all I'm enjoying. You've inspired and empowered me.” —Meaty, Hairy Writer and Creative Student Jill Michael, Portugal by way of Texas (in a recent, awesome move!)

Because writing online should be fun! And when you do it right, it’s really, really profitable, too. 🥳

Inside, you’re going to learn how to:

  1. Make boring people, topics and businesses feel FASCINATING to read about—even if they aren’t⚡️

  2. Suck your newsletter subscribers in every time 🙀—and make 'em excited to read every word, right from the beginning (critical for sales)

  3. Make Anything More Funny 🪄 With This 2-Second Trick (This will make it SO much easier to add light humor in just the right place)

  4. Instantly Up the Wow-Factor of Your Writing with this little-known “deconstruction” technique (hint: Wikipedia is your new BFF…especially if you find yourself repeating yourself a lot)

  5. How to Stand Wayyyyy Out 📣 From Everybody Else in the Same Industry—even if you’re writing about something that’s been done 1,000 times (I call this "Borrow a Ballgown")

  6. Make Your Writing Less "Corporate-y"—potentially unraveling years of “serious human syndrome”—in order to create a spark with an online audience (hint: involves boob jobs & race cars)

  7. Lighten Up Serious Topics ✨—Like Requests for Payment—While Still Staying Tone-Appropriate (I Call This "The Glitter Lung")

  8. Make Your Writing More Relatable 👯‍♀️ by Breaking Some Fancy China Over Your Knee

  9. Steal the Show 🏆 By Giving These Kinds of Words a Boob Job (YUP)

  10. Make a BIG Impression in Just One Paragraph 👀 (Especially Helpful for Writing Bios, Product Descriptions & Summaries)

  11. Murder All Zombies & Demons 😈, AKA The Quick Fix to Clichés

  12. And Make Your Writing More Clever 🤭 With Puns & Wordplays (Really Helpful for Naming Things and Having Some Fun!)

 

“You helped me find my sugar lightning!”

That’s the #1 thing students chant in the streets, waving flags of victory, after they’ve graduated from Meat & Hair’s Creative Writing School for the Internet.


(Okay, fine, maybe not “you helped me find my sugar lightning,” because no one actually says that, but that’s precisely why you need to take this class: you weirdly liked it, DIDN’T YOU. 😼)


Normally they chant “you helped me find my voice!” and “Thanks for giving me the permission to show up as ME” and “You’ve made my writing 10x more interesting and brave,” and “I’d like to buy you a very large sandwich.”


Before Creative Writing School, students often feel like their writing is some combination of: Stiff. Self-conscious. Boring. Cliché. Dull. Dead. Meh. Lacking personality, conviction, and zest. And, most of all, it doesn’t feel like them. Like they’re walking around with a N95 mask over their writing.


Afterward, however, it’s like they’re entirely different writers: they buzz with the excitement of a bunch of 25-year-old digital nomads who’ve just landed in Portugal for a 6-month co-living arrangement with extremely attractive strangers named Stefanos, when suddenly it’s fun again to share their ideas, create content, post on IG, engage on Twitter, re-write their website, draft that sales page, write that product description, pitch that essay, or finally start working on The Book they’ve been trying to write for years. (And not just because they’re inspired by Stefanos.)


This is why Meat & Hair’s Creative Writing School for the Internet exists.


To make it fun for you to write again. To feel comfortable using your personality. To enjoy writing every word, and feel the satisfaction of a sentence, and actually get off on the creative writing process. And most critically?


To be able to use creative writing to get whatever you want. More sales. More subscribers. More fans. More MORE.

“Thanks to your kick-ass methods, I re-wrote a boring-ass ad and turned it into a kick-ass FB ad. The week I was running the boring-ass ad, we had 29 people sign up for our free plant-based meal plan trial (to be sure, the irony is not lost). After the kick-ass version went live, we had 160 sign up for the free trial in one week! And more than that, people are commenting like crazy about how much they love my writing. I LOVE this class! ” —Meaty, Hairy Writer and Creative Student Molly Patrick, whose online business is going so well, she just picked up and moved to Hawaii #goals 🤩

Make Your Writing 10X More Interesting & Brave—Here’s How

Go behind-the-scenes with me, Ash, as I walk you through a delightful forest of the most fun, insightful, real-world creative writing techniques and formulas, showing you how to transform generic, blah website copy, newsletter emails, sales pages, and Instagram captions, all the way to product descriptions, Craig’s List ads, requests for payment, and even obituaries! (Though "How to Write a Friend Break Up Letter" is also top contender for fan favorite.)

You'll have a ton of fun seeing a wide variety of before/after transformations, and then learning how to replicate the effect using proven creative writing techniques, both classic and contemporary. (The internet has changed the way we write forever—let's make sure you're caught up!)


Creative Writing School is unlike any other course you’ve ever taken.

  • There are twelve (12) masterclasses, each one that shows you how to use a different creative writing technique to transform anything you’re writing in seconds. Each one is instantly applicable and can be used right away to make your writing pop.💥 Make it sticky. Make it real. Make it fascinate. Make it buck. Make it shake. Make it linger. Make it loved. Make it human. Make it bingeworthy. Make it yours. There’s no theory, only “how-to”—with tons of practical before/after examples so you can really learn the technique and see the difference.

  • As this is a writing course, the best way to learn is…in writing! I’ve carefully packaged each video masterclass into a gorgeous downloadable PDF booklet complete with multitudes of examples making it fast & fun for you to learn on the fly, whether you're at the airport, waiting in line at the post office, at your kid's soccer game during a time-out, or just having a cozy cup of coffee at home. (You can also download the full 200-page magnum opus containing all of Creative Writing School’s lessons if you’d like to print!)

  • But sometimes, people like a face. 😀 That’s why there are also brand-new over-the-shoulder video tutorials that walk you through each technique, step-by-step, like you’re looking over my shoulder! SO MUCH FUN.

“I love your style of writing AND teaching (breaking down frameworks and giving examples) so HELPFUL! I never knew I could look forward to and avidly devour an EMAIL course. But I can and I do. I love these lessons!” —Meaty, Hairy Writer and Creative Student, Meghan Hart

“These lessons are tickling my areolas! I find myself practicing your techniques in EVERYTHING I write. My writing is definitely leveling up.” —Meaty, Hairy Writer and Creative Student Gigi Rodgers, who chose a BETTER descriptor than "sugar lightning."⚡️

Plus, These Meaty, Hairy Techniques Can Be Applied to Anything You’re Writing

 

From writing more creative sales pages, to subject lines, to newsletters, to about pages, to cold call emails and sooooo much more, this course is all about helping you be creative where it matters most.

 

“STOP everything and read this. I just HAVE TO SHARE this immediate reaction that I got just now on the blog post that I posted. "Hi Jorunn, I enjoy your blog posts so much! I even read them out loud to my husband — we both love your writing style." I’m ecstatic, and thank you again for Meat and Hair. It truly has infused my writing with sizzle.” —Meaty, Hairy Writer and Student, Jorunn Hernes, who is a badass wardrobe stylist from Norway!

Make the Internet LOVE Your Writing

If you wish you had a magic wand that would instantly make everyone love you & want you & happily buy from you you, this is that magic wand.

Just $497 to Become an Online Writing God

“I just wanted to tell you I have loved every one of these lessons. No one teaches this like you do! Thank you SO much, I’m so glad I signed up for this!” —Meaty, Hairy Writer and Creative Student Hilde Kloppbakken, who runs a cool business in Norway called "One Amazing Business"

Proud to offer a 14-day, 100% money-back guarantee (that you won’t need because it is AWESOME.) 🌟

 
 

 FAQs

 

  • Absolutely not, unless we’re all in a hot tub. Just because I am wild, doesn’t mean that this course is going to teach you how to be wild. It just means that we’re going to learn real creative writing techniques you can use to make your writing POP. How far you go with that is up to you. 😀

  • Are you high? We all know how I feel about those. (THERE ARE TINY DEAD WASPS IN FIGS!!!!!!!)

  • The brand-new version of Meat & Hair’s Creative Writing School for the Internet will be released on Black Friday—November 29th, 2024! Pre-order now for the best price.

    This is an on-demand course you can access anytime. You will have lifetime access.

  • Video tutorials (captions availiable) that walk you through each writing technique & lesson “over my shoulder!” Let’s write together.

    PLUS, the most beautifully designed collection of high-octane PDF workbooks ever known to man. You’ll be prompted to read select samples, learn the secrets of what makes it work, analyze multiple before/afters so you can instantly see the difference, then be challenged with a writing exercise of your own!

  • Sure thing! All students are entitled to a 14-day refund from the date of purchase, no questions asked.

About the Instructor, Ash Ambirge

Ash Ambirge is the founder of Meat & Hair, an expert ghostwriter with clients like Penguin Random House, and the instructor of The Creative Writing School for the Internet. 🌟

Seth Godin called her “an original voice in a world with too little of it,” and she’s known widely as one of the most irreverent writers in the online space & on Substack. Ash’s hallmark book, THE MIDDLE FINGER PROJECT, is available at bookstores worldwide, including Barnes & Noble, Target, Waterstone’s and everywhere books are sold, and her work has been featured in The New Yorker, The New York Times, The BBC, CBS Radio, The Jenny McCarthy Show, Entrepreneur Magazine, Real Simple Magazine, Philadelphia Magazine, and on hundreds of podcasts.

Ash is an expert creative writer, and is regularly called upon by Top 5 Publishers as a secret weapon “book doctor” to help flailing manuscripts that need a consistent message & punchy prose. She founded The Meat & Hair Creative Writing Company to help businesses & content creators find their voice, put their personality on the page, and learn to write with substance & style—AKA meat & hair. 🍖💈 Because boring writing doesn’t sell, and in today’s world? You can’t afford to be invisible.

With a master’s degree in Linguistics, a formal degree in Communications & PR, and over a decade of experience writing for clients who want to stand out from the crowd, Ash believes that what you say about your work is just as important as your actual work—because perception is everything. Not just your customers’, but your own. And when you have the right words to describe your idea?

You have power.